I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
