No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
