You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
