Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
