I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
