forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
