And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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