I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
