so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
