i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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