I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
