i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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