you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
