...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
