2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
