i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
