To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
