Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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