Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
