So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I lost the right to judge tonight
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
