Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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