Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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