eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
