Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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