Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
