Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
