I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
