what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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