I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
