Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
