So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
