this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
