I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
