i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
