She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
