No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
