Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
