She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
