Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
