I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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