I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
