I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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