i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
