I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Enjoy the penises
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
