and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
