my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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