Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
