The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
