Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
