Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
