my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
